Do it like a newbie.
Remember when you first starting having sex? Sure, some of it was awful. The embarrassing fumblings, the premature finishes. But there was also something really great about it. Something innocent and new and surprising.
There was also something really hot about it. That abandon. That passion. That “I don’t know what this is that we’re doing, but let’s not ever stop.” Whatever happened to that? I don’t know.
All I know is that all of that seems to change as we get older and things become, well, old hat. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are five ways to bring all of that back into your sex life no matter how long you’ve been at it.
1. Go for it! People have such enthusiasm when they’re new to it all. They can’t wait to do it. And they’re not ashamed to tell their partner just that. Something changes after you’ve been around for a while. You don’t want to sound silly or needy or come across as an overenthusiastic kid.
Well, forget all of that. Tell your partner just how much you want him or her no matter how crazy or cliché it might sound. And don’t be shy. It can be very sexy to say exactly how you want to touch or lick or bite or take your partner. So tell it like it is. You’ll be amazed at the result. A little enthusiasm can go a long way…
2. Experiment. There’s a dangerous thing that can happen after you’ve been in the saddle for some time. You get into a rut. I guess people figure, “This works. Why mess with it?” But when sex is new, all you do is experiment. New positions. New props. New places.
So don’t let your experience hold you back. Let it free you up to try whatever you feel so inclined to try. How about introducing some toys or maybe a little light bondage? Come on, you know there’s a naughty side of you itching to come out and play. And if it doesn’t work, who cares? Going back to the drawing board has never been so fun.
3. Sneak around. Depending on how young you were and what the circumstances were, getting down just might have required a little getting around…parents, siblings, friends, future mother-in-laws. There was something very sexy and exciting about worrying about getting caught.
All that goes away when you have a room of your own. So, why not pretend you don’t? Sneak down to the family room after the kids go to bed. Or check into a local, swanky hotel. If you’re feeling really adventurous, how about a hayloft or, dare I say it, the car? The point is to get out of your comfort zone and into your erogenous zones.
4. Take your time. Seems like it’s all about how quickly can we get things done these days. We’re tired. There aren’t enough hours in the day. Someone else, everyone else needs us. It wasn’t like that when we first started fooling around.
So carve out some time. There is always a way to make time when it can improve our relationships and feed our well-being. Carve out an hour or two. Turn off the phones. All of them. Tell everyone else to deal with it. Whatever “it” is and disappear into each other for a while.
Seriously. Disappear. And get back to why you fell for this person in the first place. Get back to the hunger and away from the humdrum. The great sex will be worth it in and of itself. But the recharge you’ll get as well will be a welcome bonus.
5. Forget yourself. People tend to become more self-conscious the older they get. We start to ask ourselves all sorts of questions. How do I look naked? Do I look weird when I do this? What will he/she think of me tomorrow? What if I do this wrong?
But when we were young, we were full of ourselves and anxious to share just how great we are. Not one of those questions or the answers matter to your partner. All that matters to them is being with you. So, take on a little youthful self-centeredness and relax. You’re with your partner for a reason. If you want to feel sexy, act sexy. If you want to be devoured, devour. If you want to get it, give it.
There are lots of things that are great about being past those early stages of sexual experimentation. But there are also plenty of things that have gotten lost along the way. But just because they’re hidden, doesn’t mean they’re gone.
Bring them back. Bring back the excitement and breathlessness and the fun. Bring back the hot, sweaty, “please don’t stop, I’m never going to ever let you go” kind of nights (or afternoons for that matter) that you used to have before you knew better. Forget behaving yourself. It’s way over-rated.
It doesn’t take much. Just a little time and attention. Trust me. You’ll be glad you did.
Image via Wikipedia
